Almost everyone struggles with self-doubt. Pretty much, unless you are a narcissist, ego-maniac or a sociopath, you have a time in your life when you wonder about your own self-worth.
The last few months have brought an overwhelming amount of success with my writing. I knew that after that rush, there was bound to be a lull. What I was unprepared for, was how badly it would affect me when the lull happened.
Lately I have been struggling with getting articles posted, second-guessing my work and experiencing anxiety over why anyone would want to actually read what I have to say. I suspect that my recent self-doubt is primarily fear-driven.
Since January, in addition to my recent successes, I have been embarking on a journey to turn a long-term project (and life-long dream) into a potential reality. The idea that it might actually happen scares the heck out of me. Ideas are safe when they are in your head, but much more vulnerable when they are out in the world (much like children leaving the womb).
Also, I am definitely what is known as a self-sabotager. I have a long history of sabotaging myself when things are going well; getting sick before important meetings, eating a whole tub of ice cream after just losing 10 pounds, "forgetting" to turn in paperwork in a timely manner.
The good news is, I am aware I do it. The bad news is, I can't seem to stop myself sometimes. I don't know why I am sharing this with you all, except that I have always promised to be transparent and honest here at The Two-Penny Soapbox.
I love writing. My recent successes have given me hope that I can actually turn this into a vocation, rather than just a hobby, and quite frankly I am terrified by that. And so, I have begun to avoid the computer, struggle to come up with ideas and have spent an insane amount of time playing Candy Crush rather than writing.
My hope is that by naming these feelings, sharing them with you, and exposing myself, I can move past it and get back to what I love to do. This blog is my passion, my heart hanging out there, and I want to continue to maintain a quality that I have come to expect from myself, but has been hard lately.
If you struggle with self-doubt, or self-sabotage, you are not alone. I would love to hear how you cope with it? How do you re-discover your motivation? How do you smother the inner critic?